Tested
by Plunk626
Summary: Buffy's been feeling sick lately and she soon discovers that she's pregnant. And one night ends up changing everything for Spike and Buffy, as well as those around them.
1. It's Just Dehydration

**Background**: This is based on a music video I made. Buffy (still the Slayer) and Spike (still a vampire) are together, Willow and Xander are relationshipless.

Chapter One

The sun had already risen over the horizon but Buffy and Spike remained unaware. Even though his crypt had a few windows Spike tended to keep his bed out of the sunlight; maybe it had something to do with the incredible annoyance of waking up in flames. He opened his eyes and looked at his girlfriend who was peacefully sleeping beneath the covers. He ran the back of his hand against her cheek, which made her breath deep and open her eyes. "Hey you," she said with a smile and a stretch.

"Hey." Spike's eyes searched every part of her face, getting in as much of her as he could.

Buffy reached down on the floor for her square faced watch with a brown band. "Crap!" She flipped the sheets off her body and started snatching her clothes from the floor.

"And so it begins."

"You really need to get an alarm clock." Buffy slipped on her black thong and olive green skirt.

"And plug it in next to the lava lamp and coffee maker," Spike joked. He turned to his back and enjoyed the bed which molded around his body.

She bent down and grabbed the white long sleeved shirt she had on last night and started looking for her other white sneaker. "Where the hell is my other- got it." Buffy plopped down in a chair that used to be red but was now a faded, peachish color. "All right, I'll see you later." She held her torso over his body as she gave him a kiss. Spike placed his right hand on the back of her head and pulled her in as close as he could. She pulled away, knowing his tongue could easily talk her into an early morning shag. She grabbed her little black backpack before reaching the door. "Love you," she said.

Sunnydale High School was being jammed with students that would crowd the halls for the next three minutes. Buffy ran inside and went straight for her locker. She turned the dial quickly and lifted the latch.

"Buffy, surprised to see you here," Xander said as he approached her, "I would've thought Slayer's went to heaven."

"Yeah no kidding. There should be a special program for me: three slayed is one missed period." She removed her Geography book and shut her locker. "Where's Willow?"

"She's helping Giles with some demony stuff."

"What kind of demony stuff?"

"The kind that involves demons and the stuff they do."

Buffy smiled and nodded. She led the way to the library where Willow was on the computer at the desk and Giles was in his office, book in hand. "Hey Will."

"Hey Buffy."

"Buffy." Giles walked out of his office and placed his glasses back on his nose. "You're cutting it a little close today."

"It's not my fault. I would've been here earlier helping with the demon research and prophecy filing but… I wasn't."

"Yes, I see that."

"My alarm didn't go off."

"I didn't know those kind of watches had alarms. And in case you didn't catch the sarcasm, I'm suggesting you slept at the Crypt Keepers last night," Xander cleared.

"Don't call him that. I know you two-" Buffy's eyes shut tightly and her head bent down. She turned to the desk and grabbed onto it for stability.

"Buffy, you all right?" Giles said. He and Xander went to her side and put a hand on her back for extra support. Willow stopped typing on the computer and added herself to the concerned group.

"I'm fine, I just got a sudden dizzy spell."

Giles recalled, "Didn't this happen yesterday?"

"And the day before that, but it's no big. Probably just dehydration or something." The bell rang its deadly noise but everyone kept their attention on Buffy. She took a breath and stood up straight. "I'm okay. We better get to class."

"Are you sure-" Xander started to say but Buffy interrupted him.

"You know how Mr. Landers hates when people are late." Buffy headed out the door and to her first class.

"Keep an eye on her," Giles said with a hint of worry. "And tell her to come here after school."

"We will," the red head agreed.

"On it G."

Giles turned to Xander. "Please don't call me that."

When the last bell rang everyone rose in triumph; another day, another end of the boring. Buffy carefully got up from her desk, not wanting to pass out like she did before second period. Thankfully she was in the nurse's office and, as far as she knew, Xander and Willow hadn't heard about it. She did follow Giles instructions to meet him in the library and didn't have to rely on her non-existent acting skills because she was feeling better. "Hey Giles."

"Buffy. How are you feeling?"

"Tip top." She put her bag on the desk and grazed its surface with her skirt as she lifted herself onto it. "So what's the what?"

"Pardon?"

"Well you wanted me to meet you here and you had Willow in here this morning doing demon research. Those tend to be the two main ingredients in the 'Buffy needs to kick some ass' cake."

"Oh well I just wanted to make sure you were feeling better and wanted to suggest you staying in tonight."

Buffy's gaze became questionable. "I will after I do some slaying."

"I mean, stay away from the slaying. If you're not up to par to your normal capacity then you can get seriously injured."

"And here I was afraid you'd say I could die."

Giles looked at her with disapproval, knowing that she meant that sarcastically. "That's not funny."

Buffy slid off the counter and stood with no trouble. "Giles, _I'm_ the Slayer. That means _I'm_ the one that goes out there."

"But it's not safe given your condition."

"What condition? I feel fine. Plus I'll have Spike with me." Giles remained quiet and looked at the floor. "Do you really feel I'm that incapable?"

His head quickly rose, offended she even suggested it. "I never said that. I just don't want you going out there and getting hurt."

Buffy prepared to say something but decided not too. She shut her mouth and looked away for a moment. "Fine. I'll stay in." She grabbed her bag and headed towards the door. Before leaving she turned to him and said, "Do I get brownie points for this?" Giles laughed, glad she lightened the mood. "I'm gonna bring this up the next time I do something wrong. Not that I will… do something wrong." Again Giles laughed. Buffy took that as her exit and left him alone in the library.

As night slowly approached Buffy thought about things to do with her mother to keep her mind off slaying. However by planning things, she kept thinking about how she won't be out there. At least if she were the one , even if she had a couple dizzy spells, she would have a better chance staying alive than Willow and Xander, let's be honest. And Spike would be with her. Once she found him.

In the end she decided to go out. She kissed her mother goodnight and headed out down the unlit street. This is when normal girls would get the blood rush of fear and think about things jumping out in the night and killing them. Buffy however was prepared for that surprise and had no problems staying calm. She ventured into Spike's graveyard first, hoping he was still home, waiting for her. She pushed open his door and peered into the pitch black crypt. "Spike?"

No answer.

"Anybody undead?" Her head turned abruptly when she heard the sound of someone grunting and a slight struggle. She ran half speed towards the noise and came across a vampire going in for a bite. She ripped the suited vamp off the victim and prepared to fight. He ran towards her and swung at her face but Buffy blocked it with her arm and kicked him in the side. She grabbed hold of his head and flipped him to the ground. One swift jab of her stake and he was dust.

"Buffy," someone familiar spoke.

She turned her head. _Crap._

"What are you doing out here? I thought you were staying home and Xander and I… Xander. Xander?" Willow called. She didn't say where the vamp and tossed him, she was too busy preparing to strike with her stake. They heard grunting in the nearby bushes and he slowly rose from the ground.

"That is in no way on my 'things to do again' list. Not that vampires have any type of morals." He rubbed his head with his hand and paused when he saw the Slayer. "Buffy?"

"Yes, they do still call me that."

"What are you doing out here? I thought you were getting a nice dose of bed rest and chicken soup."

"Well I'm not."

"She only have tomato?" Xander joked.

"Buffy?"

Her head perked up like a dog that was asked to go for a walk. She could pinpoint that voice in a crowd of a hundred people. And obviously one vampire. "Spike?"

"There you are. I was gettin' worried. Ya weren't at my crypt at your usual time."

"Yeah I had some stuff to deal with."

"She had some dizzy and fainting spells to deal with," Willow added.

"What?"

"Buffy's been getting dizzy spells the past couple days and Giles told her to take the night off, which she didn't follow."

"If no one tells him, then I did follow it," Buffy rationalized.

"I thought you said it was nothin'?" Spike asked.

"It _is_ nothing, hence I'm here. Now will everyone just-" Buffy's body slowly started to sway back and forth. She rested her right hand on her forehead and felt a rush from the cool touch of her fingers.

"Buffy?" everyone said.

Spike put a hand on her arm and the other around her back. "We should get you home."

"I'm just dehydrated. It'll stop-" Buffy collapsed. Spike's grip quickly tightened around her waist so she wouldn't fall to the ground. He took his left arm and used it to hold her legs. He shifted her so her head was resting against his shoulder instead of dangling over his right arm.

"We gotta get her to the hospital," Xander informed.

"That's what I'm doin' ya git." Spike rushed past them and started running towards the main road.

"What the heck is a git?" he asked Willow as they followed him.

"Not now Xander."

"Well I thought insults should only be used during 'non-passed out friends' times."

Thankfully the graveyard they were at was only a couple bocks from the hospital. Spike rushed into the emergency room and yelled, "Help." Two orderlies ran to his aid with an empty bed. He placed her on the clean white surface and followed them as they pushed it down the hall.

"What happened?" the brown haired woman asked.

"We were walkin' 'round town and she collapsed."

"Did you drink anything or do any drugs?"

"No, she's clean."

"You have to stay here sir," the man told him as they ran into the swinging doors.

"She's my girlfriend."

"You still have to stay here."

Spike tightened his fists in anger but listened to them. He didn't need Buffy waking up and having one of the first things she hears be that be got thrown into jail for punching the staff.

Willow and Xander ran in and surprisingly maintained enough stamina to stay up and spot Spike still standing by the doors. "Where is she?" Willow asked as she took big gasps off air.

"In there."

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"Would I look this shirty if I knew she was gonna be okay?" Willow and Xander took a step back, expecting him to snap at any moment. "I'm gonna go get Joyce." He left behind and ran out of the hospital.

"Ya know phones work just as well."

"I have to sit down," Willow said as she walked over to one of the maroon chairs.


	2. Pregnant Pregnant

Chapter Two

Buffy's consciousness slowly approached. Her head barely moved as she was arousing from her comatose state. Her eyes fluttered open and she took in a slightly blurry vision of an unfamiliar room. She tightly shut her eyes to adjust them and rubbed them with her right hand. This time the white walls and white bedding were clearly visible but no less confusing.

She felt something on her left hand and instead of moving it she slightly tilted her head to see what had occupied it. It was another hand, pale with black nail polish. Thankfully it was connected to the body of her boyfriend whose head was resting on the edge of the bed. _How long have I been out?_ She turned her head to the window and saw that the blinds were tightly shut. _Must be the flammable time of day._ She placed her other hand on Spike's gently but he still rose from sleep.

"Buffy." He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead then ventured to her lips for a soft kiss. "Feelin' better pet?" He cupped his hands around hers, taking in the warmth her still beating heart provided.

"I didn't know that I was feeling bad."

"'Cause faintin' is an everyday thing."

"It was just dehydration."

"Doc thinks different."

Buffy pushed herself up to sitting position, which made Spike stand up to be of more help. He went to put his hands on her waist to lift her up but she was already erect. He sat back down and took her right hand in his. "What'd they say?"

"Just that it ain't dehydration that's makin' ya scare ya boyfriend to death if he actually had a beatin' heart."

"That is so sweet. And weird for anyone who isn't me." They shared a smile. "Does my mom know I'm here?"

"Yeah. Should be here soon. Sent her home a few hours ago so she could rest up. Yer scoobies are outside though."

"All of them?"

"The whole lot," Spike said.

"Can you get them?"

"Not good enough for ya pet?"

"You know that's not true." Buffy looked at him and could clearly see the worry that had plagued him for the past however many hours. "I love you."

"Love you too pet." Spike stood up and rested his lips on hers. "Be right back." He held onto her hand until the last possible second when their fingers slipped away.

Buffy took a look around the room of nothing. She had a needle in her arm and she was hooked up to one of those beepy things she had seen on _ER_ that one second she watched it. She hated hospitals. No good came from these places as far as she was concerned. Her thoughts were disrupted when a storm of balloons and flowers paraded through the door.

"Hey Buffy," Xander said.

"We brought you balloons," Willow added.

"I brought you some flowers. I just pointed to one of the jars." Giles placed them on a table across from her bed.

"They're beautiful. And the balloons are lovely too. Thanks you guys."

"Only the best for The Chosen One," Xander said as he walked around to her right side. "How ya doin' Buffster? You look good. Not in the I'm-checking-you-out sense, in the you're-no-longer-unconscious sense. Which would be a good look for me right now."

Buffy laughed. "I'm fine. I just wish I knew what was going on."

"You fainted last night," Willow said.

"That I remember. I was talking in the doctorial sense."

"We're in the dark as much as you."

"And as much as someone should be," Xander said as he looked at Spike who was currently leaning against the wall by the door.

"Referin' to me, git?"

"That's where I'm looking. And what's with all the British words."

"They tend to speak'em there."

"How about we don't argue in front of the girl who's lying in the hospital bed," Buffy stated.

"Buffy," Joyce said when she saw her daughter sitting up right. "Thank God." Willow moved so that she could hug Buffy tightly. "I've been so worried. How are you feeling?"

"Good. But we can easily turn that into great if we could get me out of here."

"I know sweetie but we still need to know what's going on." She brushed a stray hair from Buffy's face and rested her hand on her cheek. "I'll go find your doctor." She gave her a kiss on the crown of her head and left the room.

"I can't wait to be out of here. I feel like killing something."

"That's the spirit," Xander remarked. "We'll get the detailed report and have you outta here by rise and shine vamp time."

After about five minutes Joyce re-entered the room. Her look of relief had been replaced. Buffy didn't know what happened but she had never seen this look from her mother. It was sad yet happy, with a side of worry. In other words: not good.

A man with short brown hair and a white coat walked into her room. He had a stethoscope and a card with his name and picture on it around his neck. "Good morning Buffy, I'm Doctor Jordan. Nice to see you awake."

"That seems to be the consensus."

"Buffy," her mom said in her scolding voice.

Uh oh, not even a time for small jokes. Not good. "So what's wrong? Why'd I faint last night?"

"I'd actually like to talk to you alone." He looked at everyone that occupied the room. They caught the jist and left the room. Spike gave Buffy a kiss on the head before exiting. It was just her and the doctor and she was more nervous and scared than she had been in the past three years, since she learned she was the Slayer. "Buffy, I'm not sure how to tell you this. There's always two different reactions to this kind of news and the percentage is 50/50 at your age."

"You could tell me and we could find out which of the fifties I am."

"Of course." He took a breath. "You're pregnant Buffy."

Buffy's skin started to tingle as goose bumps erupted on her body. Her jaw was quivering as her mind ran through the sentence word by word, seeing if there were other words to replace "pregnant." _Maybe he said you're irrelevant. Or epileptic._

"Buffy?"

"Yes. Uh." She closed her eyes and put her hands to her head. _Pregnant. He said pregnant_. She looked up at him and said, "Like, pregnant pregnant?"

"Yes."

Without warning she started to smile and laugh a little bit. _Good news?_ Now her eyes started watering. "You're sure?"

"One hundred percent."

She looked off to the side. _Pregnant. Me. Me pregnant._ "Um, could you let in the guy with the really blonde hair?"

"Certainly." He walked out, shutting the door behind him.

A couple seconds later Spike slipped in. "Avoidin' sunlight in a hospital ain't easy." He walked over to her bed and sat by her side. "What'd the doc say?"

Buffy put her hands on his this time and looked deeply into his eyes. "Spike. I'm pregnant."

His eyes grew wider and she could see his jaw unclench. "Pregnant pregnant?"

"Pregnant pregnant."

"That's amazin'," he said with excitement. "Is that amazin'?" Now less excited.

"It's amazing." Spike smiled and now kissed her deeper. He put his hands on her face and held her close. Her hands rested on his arms as their tongues twisted around each other's mouths. They parted and held their smiles. "We're gonna have a baby." Here were the tears again.

"Best lookin' baby at that."

"Well of course."

"Gonna tell the others?"

"Actually I was planning on hiding my growing stomach and then moving away once the baby's born," Buffy said sarcastically.

"Works for me."

"Could you bring them in here?"

"Could."

"Will you?"

"Like ya have to ask."

"Clearly I do."

"I just want ya to myself. That's all."

"I know. And I will be all yours later."

Spike looked at the bed. "I dunno, is it gonna start rollin'?"

"Would you just get them?" Buffy said with a smile.

"All right." He stepped out the door and waved everyone in. Xander pointed to himself but caught on when everyone stood up from the uncomfortable chairs.

"What'd he say?" Willow asked, taking no time for pleasantries. Giles and Xander shared the inquiring look of dread.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?" The three of them went through the same facial motions she had seen Spike display earlier and had herself.

"Pregnant pregnant?" Xander asked.

"Exactly the kind of pregnant," Buffy answered.

"That's so great for you guys," Willow said. Giles also smiled and held back a leap in the air. The red head moved in for a hug and did it tenderly so she had no chance of hurting the baby.

"Thanks."

"Mazel tof," Xander said, hugging her as well.

"Congratualtions Buffy. And Spike as well."

"Thanks for not leavin' the vampire out Giles," Spike said.

Buffy put off asking her mom about her thoughts on the subject in case there was yelling that would occur. She looked all right with it though. Then again she thought her mom would think the pictures she drew on her faxes from work when she was seven would be seen as creative expression as opposed to getting her locked in her room for an hour.

It was fine though. For now, everyone was happy and she was pregnant. She put her hand on her stomach as she thought of the mini human growing within her.


	3. The Slip Up

Chapter Three

The ride back home was silent. Buffy didn't know how to approach the baby topic with her mom. She wasn't sure how to ask her about it and then she started thinking of her mother's possible reactions. _What if she said it was a bad idea? How could I get through this if my mom disowned me and I had to live with Spike, who doesn't exactly share the same eating habits as me? And he doesn't have a shower. Would I have to go to Willow's and Xander's every other day just to bathe? How do you brush your teeth without water? That pastey taste would stay in my mouth til morning. Better than not brushing at all I guess but that doesn't-_

"Home sweet home." Joyce put the car in park and turned the key.

"Please don't disown me and leave me to turn into a hobbit," Buffy blurted out.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, it's just… you haven't said anything since we left the hospital and I don't know how to bring it up so I'm racking my brain with all these possibilities and questions and can heads really explode because I should be careful?"

"Buffy calm down. I don't want your head exploding in my car."

"Mom!" Buffy whined.

"I'm just trying to relax you by using that sarcasm you use all the time."

"Not working."

"Buffy," Joyce put her hand on her daughter's cheek, making her gaze face her, "I'm happy for you. Granted I didn't think you'd be this young or the father would be a vampire- Spike is the father right?"

"Of course."

"I'm just checking."

"To see if I rate high on the slut scale?"

Joyce avoided the sarcastic reply and said, "You seem happy and that's what matters the most to me."

Buffy smiled at the loving reply. All her brain could come up with were bad remarks and arguments. "I _am_ happy."

"And I'm gonna be here for you. Through the morning sickness and midnight cravings and back problems and nausea-"

"Okay, stop helping."

"Sorry," Joyce said with a smile, realizing she didn't give the most flattering description. "And I'll be there when he or she is born."

"Thanks mom. That's the exact amount of Hallmark moment I wanted."

"Glad I could help." They fulfilled the moment with a hug and then, "All right let's go inside and look at baby clothes."

"You have nine months to go," Buffy reminded her alarmingly relaxed mother.

"See, we're already behind."

Later that night Buffy and Spike were roaming a graveyard, hand in hand. They had already visited one and found only one victim of a stake through the heart. Spike was enjoying the easy night because he didn't even want Buffy to go out to begin with. "Are you sure you should be doing this?' Spike asked.

"I told you I'm just here as back-up. No overexertion. I only kicked that other vamp earlier."

"And punched it and staked it."

"But it didn't punch me."

"Except that one time across the face."

"Okay seriously, how do you pay that much attention to a fight when you're knocked over a gravestone?" Buffy asked.

"I just want you to be careful."

"I am. I figure since most pregnant women exercise this could be my exercise."

"This is diff'rent than trike ridin' and sit ups love."

"I'm gonna take it much easier the further along I get but I still am the Slayer."

"The pregnant Slayer."

"It's happened once before." Spike stopped and looked at her questionably. "A Slayer being pregnant, not me pregnant."

"Really?"

"How did I suddenly become a tramp?"

Spike further explained his comment. "I meant 'really' about the pregnant Slayer that isn't you."

"Oh. Yeah, Giles told me about it. But he doesn't really support the me slaying either."

"Majority wins. Go home."

"Tell them." Spike followed her gesture and saw three vamps walking towards them.

"Bloody hell."

"That went well. And see," Buffy held out her arms, "still in one piece." Spike gave her a quick kiss then took her hand again.

"I had a thought today."

"Did you write it down and frame it?"

"Hey." Spike turned her left arm behind her back and pretended to bite her neck. Buffy laughed and spun away from him.

"That tickles."

"Then play nice." Buffy held out her right hand and Spike filled it with his. "So I though that tomorrow we could go out for a celebratory dinner."

"I fully support that idea. Like, getting dressed up, my hair done and paying lots of money for a french fry?"

"I was gonna say pizza. Less obvious I'm not eating anything."

"Why don't we get it to go and then stay at your place? We could snuggle up in bed, watch tv." Buffy put her arms around him and locked her fingers around his back.

"Have a bit of a rough and tumble."

"Sounds great to me."

"It's a date."

The next day Buffy arrived home late from school. "Mom?" she yelled when she opened the door. The only sound was her keys jingling as she pulled them from the lock. "Mom?"

Still no noise.

She ran upstairs to her room and quickly changed into grey sweats, a white tank top and a black zip-up sweater. "And now for the main ingredient." Buffy took a stake fro,m her stockpile of goodies in the chest by her bed.

She descended the stairs quickly and ripped a piece of paper from her notebook in her backpack. 'Went out quick. Be back by 8. Love, Buffy.' She taped the note to the banister so her mother would see it when she walked in the door.

A half hour later she had easily dealt with one vamp and mildly two. She was now going back home to prep for her first date with her boyfriend of two years. She stopped when she heard a low growl. Buffy carefully walked around the crypt and grabbed the vamp by the jacket. With a swift jerk she pulled him to the ground. "_That_ is how you sneak up on someone. Not that you'll actually be able to use that knowledge seeing as you'll in two seconds you'll be dead. Again."

"Someone's a little sure of herself. You might want to recount your chickens."

"recount my chickens? Is it amateur night?" The vamp growled and ran at her. She dodged him and kicked his back as he went by. He fell to the ground. "That's a cool trick, running your back into my foot. What's next? Your head into my fist?" he ran at her again only this time when she went for the punch, he blocked it and landed a right hook on her cheek. Buffy staggered.

"That all princess?"

"Not in the least." Buffy through a punch which he ducked but he lost sight of her knee which rammed into his skull. He staggered back and fell when she kicked him. He got up and greeted her with a kick aross the face. She used the momentum to backhand his cheek. Next she raised her stake and thrust it towards his chest. The vamp was too quick and stopped her action. He spun her around and rammed the stake into her abdomen. Buffy immediately screamed as it punctured her skin and she started to bleed.

Joyce arrived home at 7:30. "Buffy?" she called to the empty house. She pulled in some boxes and brought them straight to the living room. "Buffy, are you home?" She walked into the kitchen and grabbed the mail from the island. She focused on the envelopes as she walked up the stairs.

Once she made it to her room the doorbell rang. Joyce dropped the mail on her bed and went downstairs. Her hand hit the note Buffy left, making he stop her pursuit to the door. The doorbell rang again and she answered as she read the note. "Oh, hello Spike."

"Joyce. How're you?"

"Good. And yourself?"

"Anxious."

"Well come in." Spike stepped through the doorway after the invitation even though he already had an all access pass. "Buffy's not here right now but she'll be back soon."

"Mind if I wait?"

"Of course not," Joyce said. Spike walked into the living room and sat in the lonely chair across from the couch. Joyce took a seat on the couch after resting Buffy note on the table by the door. They sat in silence which randomly was interrupted by Spike's fingers tapping. "Would you like some tea or coffee?"

"No thanks. I'm on a diet."

Again silence. They looked around the room as if something was hiding out in the open. "Has Buffy been taking it easy?"

"In her own way. If I had it my way she'd be strapped to the bloody bed." Spike's eyes widened once he finished his sentence, realizing what it sounded like. "So she wouldn't go out and get hurt. Not in the… other way."

And more silence.

…

"What kind of teas do you have?"

Back at the graveyard Buffy was looking down at the stake that was protruding from her body. She landed a left hook on his jaw, stunning him and making him fall to the ground. She ran as fast as she could but she was practically jogging. She held the stake in place and could feel her body's energy draining.

Suddenly she saw Xander and Willow walk around from behind a crypt. They ran to her side when they saw her desperate state. "Buffy- oh my God Buffy!" Willow exclaimed.

They looked behind her and saw a vamp running from the distance. Xander quickly lifted her into his arms and ran at full speed. Willow wasn't far behind and sadly, neither was the vamp. Xander leapt into the backseat with Buffy and Willow jumped into the front seat without a second thought. She revved the engine and sped down the street towards the hospital.

**Author's note:** Sorry if there are any typos but I had no time to reread it.


	4. Waiting

**Author's Note:** Okay, I made a seperater with a line of periods because no matter what else I do it won't separate the paragraphs.

Chapter Four

"Help! Please, somebody help!" Xander screamed as he entered the ER. A rolling bed was rushed to him and he carefully laid her down. The white sheets were instantly stained with blood as it flowed from her body. He walked along the side and Willow was close behind as they rolled it down the hall.

"What happened?" one of the nurses asked.

"We found her at home. She fell onto a broken table leg," Xander explained.

"A table leg?"

"Yes a table leg."

They pushed her through the double doors that they knew they couldn't pass through. One second they were walking and the next they were waiting on the other side of the door to hear something about her condition.

"I'm gonna call Buffy's mom." Willow jogged to the payphone just outside the ER doors and dialed the familiar number. She didn't really think of what to say or how to break the news so she was shocked and disappointed when she just blurted out, "Joyce, it's Willow. Buffy's in the hospital." How could she sound so inconsiderate? But this is a panicky situation and her best friend is kind of in serious danger right now so how could she be expected to break this news easily, if there is such a thing. "She's with the doctors now… We're in the emergency room… No Spike isn't with us… Okay we'll try and find him… All right, bye." Willow hung up the phone and started pacing. Buffy had never been seriously injured like this before. Plus she was pregnant. What was going to happen?

In the middle of pacing she realized she lost her other best friend. "Xander?" She rounded the corner towards the spot where she left him. He was still standing there, looking down as if he was ashamed. When she got closer she realized he was staring at his hands with a vacant expression. "Xander?" Willow asked. She looked at the blood on his hands and then back at his face. "Xander?"

"It's so real," he forced out, his stare remaining on his hands.

"What's real?"

"This. The blood. Buffy. I always knew her getting hurt was a possibility but I didn't think anything like this would happen. It's like how you could get hit by a car but you never actually think about it until it happens."

"I know what you mean." Willow put her arm around Xander in comfort. He rose his head and stared at the doorway. "Joyce is going to be here soon… do you think you could change into some less your-daughter-is-seriously-injured clothes?"

"Oh God Joyce," just like that he snapped out of his daze, "I need to change. I'll be right back."

"Wait, Xander." He stopped in step. "Can you try to find Spike?"

"What? My best friend is lying on a bed with a hole in her stomach and you want me to look for her pet?"

"She's gonna be in there for awhile and she'll want to see him when she gets up."

"But-"

"Alexander Lavelle Harris."

This made him freeze. Having his name said in full meant that she was in no way backing down. "Okay I'll take a look. But only for ten minutes."

"Thirty."

"Fifteen."

"Twenty."

"Deal," he consented.

"Now hurry before- Joyce!" Willow exclaimed when she saw the familiar woman enter the hallway.

Xander saw her and did the first thing he thought of, which was removing his shirt. He pulled it over his head and shuddered when the cold air touched his bare skin. _Why is it always so cold in hospitals?_

"Where is she?"

"She's still inside. We haven't heard anything yet," Willow replied.

Joyce was in tears and breathing unsteadily. Her gaze roamed the small area as she tried to wrap her head around the situation. Her thoughts stopped when she noticed Xander's naked upper half. "Why aren't you wearing your shirt?"

"Because I… ripped it… on a tree. I'm actually running home to get another but I'll be back in half an hour." With that Xander ran to his car and sped off. He got home, washed his hands, put on a blue sweater and then drove to Spike's graveyard. He walked straight for his crypt, thankfully not encountering anyone on the way there. He knocked once and opened the door.

"Please, feel free to enter," Spike said sarcastically. He had a bottle of whiskey in his hand when he plopped down in his chair. "I don't come bargin' into your hole in the wall so-"

"Really don't have time for this."

"Well, let's do everythin' on your-"

"Buffy's in the hospital."

Without thinking, Spike let go of the bottle and it erupted when it hit the floor. He paid no attention to the alcohol pooling in his living room and asked, "What happened?"

"She was stabbed with her stake. Right now she's-" Spike ran out at full speed before Xander finished his sentence. "Hey, _I_ have the car."

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

Spike rushed inside the hospital doors and saw Joyce and Willow hunched over in their chairs. Joyce's head was looking at the ground while Willow's eyes roamed. "Spike."

Joyce looked up and saw the panicked vampire. She stood and held her arms out. Spike went right in and gave her a comforting hug. "How is she?" They parted. "_Where_ is she?"

"She's still in the emergency room. We still haven't heard from the doctors." Joyce's hands were nervously rubbing against each other.

Xander jogged in and took a breather. "You run way too fast."

"You're too slow."

"Not all of us here are vam- runners," Xander replied, catching himself before finishing the word "vampires."

"There's lots of things you aren't Harris."

"One being undead."

"Okay, you can stop now," Willow insisted.

Xander shot Spike one more scowl before looking to his best friend. "Where's Giles?"

"He's on his way."

"Which means he'll be here by tomorrow with that wind up toy he drives."

"Excuse me," Spike said as he approached the desk. A nurse with short, curly brown hair was sitting behind a computer, typing away on the computer.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Do you have anythin' on Buffy Summers? She was just brought in fifteen minutes ago."

She sorted through her paper work she had on her desk. She moved to another pile and still didn't find whatever she was looking for. "No I'm sorry I don't have any news. The doctors are doing everything they can."

"Is that written on some paper back there?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Well I'm just wonderin' if there's a note of things to say to piss people off that are tryin' to find out how their families are doing when they've had something shoved through their stomach."

"I'm sorry you're upset sir but I-"

"Upset? You think I'm upset? This isn't upset, this is terrified. The woman I love more than anythin' that crawls on this planet is through those doors, being worked on by the doctors and I'm left here with you who has no information on how she's doing. Are you glued to that chair? Can you not get up and find something out?"

"Okay Spike, let's remove the fangs from the nurse before you get really worked up and _change_," Xander insisted as he stepped between him and the desk.

Spike gritted his teeth and returned to the waiting area. He didn't sit. He couldn't. All he could do was run all these outcomes through his head and none of them ended well.

"Could you tone down the pacing?" Xander asked him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I makin' you uncomfortable?"

"No you're just making me more antsy."

"Forgive me for not carin'."

"I'll get right on that." Joyce and Willow did their best to ignore the tension between the two but that didn't make it stop. "Where were you Spike?"

"What?"

"Where were you when this happened to her? Weren't you two supposed to be together tonight?"

"You sayin' this is _my_ fault?"

Xander rose from his chair and stood about three feet from Spike. "Well this wouldn't have happened if you actually did what you said you would do."

"I did. I showed up at eight just as planned but she wasn't there. Forty minutes later she's still not home so I went lookin' for her."

"And you just gave up and started drinking the night away, not knowing where she was?"

"I figured it'd be better to stay put at my place than to walk around lookin for her when she could just as easily go to my crypt."

"How responsible of you. If your child ends up wandering off are you just gonna sit and wait or will you look for ten minutes and hope for the best?"

"Okay enough!" Willow yelled. Everyone in a fifty foot radius paused and looked over to where the scream came from. Willow grabbed Xander and Spike by the arm and walked them outside to the parking lot. "What is the matter with you? Buffy is lying on a bed, bleeding through her abdomen and you two are getting ready to throw punches. Could you be any more inconsiderate? Joyce is sitting right there wondering if her _daughter_ is even going to live through the next minute and you two are only interested in swapping retorts. Well here's an idea. Have your fist fight out here away from everyone who's actually worrying about their loved ones that are hidden behind those doors and then when you've worked through your little problem you can come in and behave like civil human beings." Xander opened his mouth to say something but Willow beat him to the punch, "Don't say it Xander. I mean it." He closed his mouth and hung his head. Willow angrily looked at the two of them and headed towards the hospital without another word.

Xander and Spike gave each other angry looks but remained silent. "Xander. Spike," someone said. "How's Buffy?"

"We don't know," Xander replied.

Spike shook his head and walked back inside with the other two following. Willow remained stern when she looked at Spike but she ran to Giles and hugged him once he entered. "Hello Willow."

"Giles, I'm really scared."

"And we don't know anything?"

"Are you the family of Buffy Summers?" a nurse asked. She had straight, red hair down to her shoulders.

"I'm her mother," Joyce quickly answered as she stood up. "How is she?" Her eyes began tearing up as some more possible outcomes quickly lapsed around her brain.

"She's in critical condition. She's lost a lot of blood and we're doing our best to save the fetus."

"How are they doing?"

The girl took a breath and said, "The doctor's are doing all they can. I'm sorry but all you can do is wait and hope for the best." She looked at the five faces that were unsatisfied with the information they were given and sadly turned away.

Everyone sank into a chair. When they answer "how are they doing?" with "the doctor's are doing all they can," it's not usually a good sign. That means they're afraid to tell you how bad it is.

"All I can think about is how happy she was this morning before going to school." Everyone looked at her but remained silent. "She had her hair in a ponytail and ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes for breakfast." Here come the tears. Willow placed her hand on Joyce's back in attempt to comfort her even though she herself was brought to tears.

Spike got up and walked out to the parking lot. Willow gave Joyce one last embrace and then followed the bleach blonde outside. "Spike?" He was standing on the sidewalk a couple feet to the left of the doors.

"I remember the first time I saw her." Willow moved in closer. "She was at the Bronze, dancin'. I was gettin' a drink and then I saw her. Her smile growin' with every note." He moved his gaze from the floor to the Willow. "That was it. I was done for."

"You first met her at the bronze? I thought you met patrolling."

"Well yeah, that's when we actually talked. But I first saw her the night before. You think it was just coincidence we were in the same graveyard?" Willow had a hint of a smile. "Ya know when she found out I was a vampire, I thought I would never see her again. I told her a few nights after we met and she ran off. Couldn't even run after her. I was paralyzed. But then the next night she entered my crypt and didn't say anythin' to me. She just grabbed my face and kissed me. Said that no matter how much she told herself that she couldn't be with me, she couldn't get her heart to stop pounding every time she thought of me. And she didn't want to miss out on one of the greatest loves of her life." Now Spike started to tear up and a few drops actually stained his cheeks. "And now she's lyin' in a hospital and I can't do nothin' for her."

"You're waiting. That's all you can do."

"Thanks red but that's not exactly helpful."

"I didn't say it would fulfill your need of wanting to do something. It's just… all we can do."


	5. The News

Chapter Five

The hands of the clock moved slowly as the minutes passed by and everyone waited anxiously for any kind of news. Xander had just gone to get some stuff from the vending machines while Giles sat with Joyce and waited.

Spike was waiting outside while Willow went to see if there was any news. "Hey. Have we heard anything?" she asked with hope.

"Not yet," Giles answered. Willow inhaled deeply.

"How's Spike?" Joyce chimed in.

"As good as anyone in his situation could be."

"Should I talk to him?"

"No, he'll be okay. I'm on it… Not him, because I wouldn't do that I meant that I can handle him. Not in a sexual way, in an emotional way- I mean I'm not-"

"I get it," Joyce said.

"Thanks." Willow turned and left feeling slightly humiliated. Spike walked over to her. "Still nothing."

Spike's fists tightened and he let out a low growl. "How are they able to do this? Leave ya sittin' here for an hour not knowin' what's happenin'?"

"Spike, calm down," Willow said. "They can't tell us anything until they know what's going on."

"Ain't that what they went to school for? To find things?"

"Spike, I understand that you're not exactly calm right now but… you just have to try. Wait."

Spike looked at Willow who looked at him with pleading eyes. The more he panicked the more she realized she should panic and she didn't want to. She was silently asking him to compose himself. "Ain't promisin' nothin' Red."

"All I ask is that you try."

Spike fell against the wall and stood with his weight bearing on the brick structure. "I don't like sports," Spike said after ten seconds of silence. A confused glare turned in his direction but he kept staring at the parking lot. "I was thinkin' 'bout the baby and whether or not they would want to play a sport. If they do there ain't gonna be anythin' I can teach'em. And, unless they're night games, I won't be able to see'em either." Willow moved closer and put her arm on his shoulder. "It doesn't really bother me though 'cause I'd still have a baby with the woman I love. Most people don't even get that. Especially vampires since they can't even have kids."

"Can't have kids?" Spike shook his head. "Then… how…"

"Giles looked into it. 'Parently once you have a soul your body works a little like normal. Whatever that is." He looked at Willow who was still perplexed. "Don't look at me. I'm a bloody vampire and even I don't understand how we work. How we move without a heartbeat and how we can breathe but not have breath."

"You are perplexing creatures." This earned another glance from the blonde vampire. "Not that you're a creature. I just meant…" Willow left the sentence unfinished and leaned her back against the wall too. "I never asked how you got your soul."

"No ya didn't."

Willow waited for a story to follow but when one didn't she asked, "Can you tell me?"

Spike rolled himself over so he was facing Willow and leaning on an angle. "What's with the touchy feely moments Red? Why so curious?"

"Because you're in a relationship with my best friend who is currently in the ER."

Spike looked at the ground, understanding what she wasn't saying. She needed to hear about something good that happened to take her mind off what's happening now. Although at the time it didn't seem good to Spike, it obviously was helpful in the long run. "Not much to tell. I killed a Slayer, back in China."

"You killed a Slayer?"

"Just the one," Spike defended. "Anyway, her Watcher knew some black magic types. Somehow she found out I was the one that killed the girl and had a spell put on me. Later that night I suddenly felt this burn throughout my entire body and scratchin' at my skull. I thought it was a delayed side effect from the Slayer blood. Then the Watcher finds me screamin' in the field I was passin' through and she told me I'd been blessed."

"Blessed?"

"That's why it bloody hurt so bad. She said I had a soul and I'd pay for every person I killed. That I'd feel pain everyday for all my days 'cause of what I've done."

"You speak Chinese?"

"She was speakin' broken English. But I spent a good century feelin' like a bloody piss ant for what I done… And then I found Buffy."

Willow's eyes were getting a little watery. "That's so sweet."

"Bloody Shakespeare ain't it?"

"In a way."

Spike looked back out at the parking lot and said, "Think I'm ready to head back inside."

"Me too."

The blonde pushed himself off the wall and Willow followed suit. They walked through the double doors and over to the chairs they were in earlier. Spike plopped down in a chair two seats down from Giles. Willow took the vacant seat on Joyce's left to sit and wait. "Where's Xander?"

"He went to get some stuff from the machines," Giles answered.

On queue, Xander made his way down the hall towards them with a handful of goodies. "All right I got peanut butter cups, Snickers, Cheetos, potato chips and pretzel rods."

"I'll take a Snickers," Willow requested.

"Joyce?"

"Nothing for me thank you."

"Giles?"

"No thanks."

Xander nodded then turned his gaze to Spike. He returned the gaze and shook his head so Xander didn't actually have to ask. Xander opened his mouth to make a comment but he held it in.

The only noise you could hear was Willow pulling back the wrapper of her Snickers and Xander munching on chips. However after his fifth chip he stopped because the crunch of the chips was deafening in comparison to the stillness. "Peanut butter cups it is," he told himself. He opened up the wrapper and popped a whole cup in his mouth.

"Can somebody say something?" Joyce asked. Everyone looked at her then at everyone else to find a non-verbal sign as to what to say. "Anything. Please."

"Uh, I'm sure Buffy's going to be fine," Giles said, not thinking of anything else to talk about. "She's a very strong woman and she's going to fight through this."

"Plus she's got that handy Slayer healing," Xander said, but not too loud.

Their conversation went off track when a doctor with short brown hair walked out and was standing in front of them. "Are you Buffy Summers' family?"

"I'm her mother," Joyce quickly answered, standing up. Everyone mimicked the gesture.

"I'm Dr. Thurner and I've been the one with your daughter."

"Is she okay?"

"She's stable. We were able to control the bleeding and steady her heartbeat."

"She's gonna be okay?"

"After some bed rest."

"And the baby?" Spike said, moving closer. "What about our baby?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Half an hour after Buffy was put in a normal room she awoke from unconsciousness. Her head was throbbing and her stomach wasn't feeling too great. Her sight was a little wobbly so she kept her eyes shut for a few minutes.

_Could I feel any more horrible?_ She opened her eyes and was relieved to see the world stop faltering, however the pain was still present. _Come on Slayer healing._ She placed her hand on the bandaged wound and sat up quickly. Her torso dropped back down to the pillow from the sudden head rush. She took a deep breath and sat up slower this time. Her hand moved all over her stomach trying to see if there was any way to tell if her baby was all right. It's not like it started kicking yet and she sure as hell couldn't feel a heartbeat through her skin. And if she could, there would be a replacing fear.

_Where the hell are the doctors? How do I know what's going on unless they tell me? Shouldn't I be under close watch or something? Who isn't doing their job? I'm gonna kick their white coated ass once I can stand. I wonder if I _can_ stand. Damnit Buffy, what the hell's the matter with you? Save your strength. Focus on the baby. Where the hell are the doctors?! How do they expect you to stay sane in here if they don't tell you-_

"Miss Summers," a red headed nurse greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"Like there's a hole in my stomach." The nurse nodded and looked at her chart. "Um, does it say anything about the baby?"

"Uh, actually I need to go get Dr. Thurner. He's the one who's been working on you and he should talk to you about everything. I'll be right back."

"A simple 'yes' or 'no' is all I'm asking for," Buffy said as the woman walked out. She let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling. After what felt like ten minutes, but was really only two, Dr. Thurner walked through the door.

"Miss Summers."

"Please don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't do the Miss Summers how are you thing because the red head in a blue uniform already covered that. Right now I'm trying to stay calm as I wonder whether or not my baby is okay. So once you tell me, then I'll fill in the blank of 'how are you feeling'."

The doctor took a breath and kept his eyes on her. "We did all we could, but we weren't able to save your baby."


	6. The Break Down

Chapter Six

Buffy's eyes began to sting as tears poured into her eyes and started to fall down her face. Suddenly everything was out of focus and she could only hear the last sentence spoke to her repeat in her head. Her jaw quivered and she looked down at her lap.

"I'm so sorry Miss Summers."

Buffy breath was uneven. "I'm not okay."

"I understand."

"Can you leave now?" she said in an even voice, free of emotion.

"Of course." The doctor easily stepped through the door and closed it behind him.

Buffy instantly broke down and cried into her hand. The walls of her mind collapsed and images of her past and future collided together: her with her baby, her cooking with her mom when she was younger, Spike rocking the baby, her parents' divorce, her parents together.

In the waiting room everyone else was still in tears after the news. Spike went outside and paced back and forth in front of the hospital. He slammed his fist into the brick wall taking out a chunk of brick as well as shedding some skin from his hand. That didn't stop him from punching it a second time or a third. Finally he just collapsed against the wall and fell to the ground.

"Spike?" a nurse asked him. He looked up in response. "I'm sorry, but Miss Summers is asking for you." He somehow found the will to push himself off the ground and follow the nurse to his girlfriend's room.

He walked right over to her, without a word, and hugged her. She hugged him back, trying to keep in her tears. She had to be strong. It was expected of her to be strong. She couldn't let him see her vulnerable.

"How are you?" he asked, keeping his hold tight on her.

"Bad."

He kissed her head. "Yeah, me too pet." He released his right arm and brought his legs up onto the bed. Buffy moved over to make room and then rested her head on his chest when they were situated. Spike gently brushed his left hand over Buffy's head over and over while she just lay there, trying not to cry.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day, a little before sunset, Buffy was out of the hospital. The nurses were surprised how quickly she healed, physically. They weren't going to let her out but further test results said she could be released. Joyce brought her home and was surprised when she saw Willow, Xander and Giles asleep in the living room. "They must be tired from patrolling," Joyce said.

Buffy looked at them and the crying was about to start again. She turned her head and went straight to her room. Joyce sighed and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. She jumped when the door to the basement opened. "Spike. You startled me."

"Sorry Joyce. Just, I heard ya come in and I figured Buffy was here."

"She is. She went upstairs."

"Thanks." Spike slowly made his way up the stairs to Buffy's room. He knocked on the door three times.

"Just a second." Buffy threw a black zip up over her white tank top and opened her door. "Spike."

"Hey Buffy."

She smiled and gave him a hug. "You got here fast." She let go and gave him a once over.

"I slept here last night so I'd be here when you got home."

"Oh, thanks."

Spike was kind of taken back by her reaction. Normally she would've smiled and kissed him for such a gesture but now she seemed… distant. "No problem," he uneasily replied. "Uh, where ya goin'?"

"To patrol."

"Let me come with you."

"Spike, the sun's still setting. I don't want you to burn into a pile of vampire dust."

"So wait around for an hour."

"Just come find me later. Not all vampires wait for the sun to fully set." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left. He stood there for a minute in shock of how… awkward was pretty much the only word he could come up with. She didn't seem sad at all. He walked down the stairs and followed the sound of Joyce's movement in the kitchen.

"Did Buffy just leave?"

"Yeah. She went patrollin'."

"Should she be doing that so soon? Shouldn't she rest?"

"Your daughter ain't exactly one to follow the 'shoulds' of recovery." He sat down on a barstool. "How is she?"

"I was hoping you could tell me. She hasn't said a word all day." She pulled two mugs out of the cabinet and poured tea into them. She handed one to Spike and then took a seat next to him. "I'm worried about her. I've never seen her like this. She's just… I can't even explain it."

"Empty," Spike filled in the blank.

"Yes. And I understand that this is a big thing, but I haven't even seen her cry yet." Joyce noticed that Spike was staring at the countertop and his eyes began to glisten. She placed her hand on his arm.

"I should have been there. I shouldn't have waited here for so long."

"This isn't your fault."

"I knew she was out slayin' and I should've left right then and there. I should've kept lookin' for her 'stead of goin' home-"

"How were you supposed to know?"

"That's not the point. She's always been there for me and I let her down when she needed me the most. The girl I care about most, in this pathetic existence some might call a life, was out there while I sat at home for her to show up. What's worse is that I was getting mad because she wasn't there. She was in a hospital, bleeding from a stake wound, and I was upset we didn't get to have our date." By this time Spike had started crying and Joyce was just starting. She moved her hand to his back for more comfort, if that was possible.

"I know this is cliché but you can't focus on the could've-should've points. Just focus on Buffy now and be there for her."

"I can't be there for her if she doesn't let me in. Why should she? I only left her out there defenseless." He paused a moment. "Well, as defenseless as that girl can get."

The occupants of the living room and just woken up and meandered towards the conversation. "Hi Joyce. Where's Buffy?" Xander asked.

"She went out."

"Patrolling? Why?"

"'Cause she's Buffy," Spike said, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He got up and left out the back door. The sun was at a safe level, not that he really cared right now. He took a seat on the steps and just waited.

The door opened and closed. Spike kept his eyes straight ahead as they sat down. "What a view huh?" Spike looked over and saw Xander, not the happiest he's been. "Look, I know I've made it extremely obvious that I don't like you."

"You don't like me?" Spike asked sarcastically.

Xander laughed a little in his head. "But I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry about… all this. No one deserves this kind of thing."

The vampire was a little perplexed at this new side of Xander he was exposed to. It kind of freaked him out but he just nodded and said, "Thanks."

"I'm not sayin' we're gonna hug though." He stood up and went inside.

After one more minute of silence Spike got up and headed out to the graveyards.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Spike heard the sound of a brawl going on which meant one thing, Buffy found some vampires. He rushed ahead toward them.

Buffy threw a punch but the vampire blocked it and swung her around and slammed her into the crypt. She slid down the wall and the vampire's punch crushed the wall instead of her face. Buffy kicked the vamp in the neck making him hit the wall and fall to the ground. She whipped out her stake and thrust it towards his chest. He blocked it and tried to turn it on her. Buffy instantly started to panic, her mind went back to when the other vamp stabbed her, and this gave the vamp a chance to roll her over and prepare for attack. Buffy flashed back and head butted him. Then he fell off of her and he turned to dust. She looked over and saw Spike brushing away the dust. "Spike?"

"All right pet?" He walked over and helped her up.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I found ya."

"I can see that but did you really have to come in here and slay the vampire? I was handling it."

"He had you pinned to the ground."

"And then I head butted him and regained control." Spike rolled her eyes at her statement. Buffy sighed and walked over to him. "I'm sorry. I'm just a little on edge. Thanks for helping me." She put her hand on his cheek and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Spike was about to move in for another but she turned away and started walking.

"Buffy," he asked as he caught up. "Are you doin' all right?"

"I'm fine."

"You seem a little too fine."

Buffy stopped and turned around. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I haven't seen ya cry or sad since we the news."

"Spike, I can't control whether or not I kept the baby. Yes, I wish it hadn't have happened but… it did."

"How can you say it like that?"

"Because, I'm…"

"You're…."

"Can we just stop talking about this?"

"No, because what you're doin' isn't healthy. Mentally that is."

"You're one to talk about being mentally healthy."

"Hey."

"I haven't seen you cry either."

"Well… I haven't seen you cry."

"Yes, we established that. Just because I don't cry, doesn't mean I'm not upset."

"You're actin' like you were at the doctor's for a check up and everythin's fine."

"What do you want me to do Spike? Get in my time machine and turn the clock back so I don't go out and do my _job_ that night? Not get pregnant in the first place? What do you want from me?"

"I want you to be upset."

"You want me to be upset? What kind of a sentence is that?"

"It isn't normal for you to just shrug this off."

"And the rest of my life is so normal? Ya know what, you go back to your crypt and I'll continue patrolling."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Spike asked, wondering if she was pointing fingers to how he waited for her to not show up that night.

"That means leave me alone. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She ran out of the graveyard and down the street. Spike just stood there, feeling all emotion crowd his body.

Buffy ran to Willow's house and was welcomed inside. Willow was on her computer in her room but she immediately stopped when Buffy entered. "Buffy."

Buffy suddenly burst into tears, leaving Willow stunned for a moment. She ran over and gave her best friend a hug. Buffy hugged her back and continued drenching her friend's shoulder. "I can't do it Will. I can't do it."

"Can't do what?"

"I tried- I tried to be strong but I can't do it anymore." Willow walked towards the bed and sat, making Buffy sit too.

"Who's asking you to be strong?"

They let each other go. "The rule book. I'm the Slayer. I have to be strong. If I fall apart then who's gonna protect everyone."

"Buffy, this is a big thing. The Slayer handbook, or whatever, doesn't say you can't cry because otherwise the world will turn to ruin."

"But I'm afraid that once I start it'll just take over and I'll never get out."

"Get out?"

"I'm afraid I'll never be able to be happy again. Spike and I have already become distant and I can't stand it."

"Have you told him?"

"No. I can't break down in front of him. I don't want him to feel bad for anything. I don't want him to blame himself for this. This is all me."

"Losing the baby is not your fault."

"Oh yeah? Everyone told me I shouldn't go slaying. Spike asked me to at least be with him when I do. Did I wait for him? No. I went out there, slipped up and there's no one to blame but myself."

"This isn't your fault." Buffy's face scrunched up in pain and her head fell into Willow's lap. "Buffy, things happen. You can't help that this one vampire bested you. Every Slayer before you had this happen only it was permanent. You're still here and there are people that care about you and are worried."

"Why are they worried?"

"Because you're walking around like an emotionless robot and they're afraid you've gone off the deep end. I understand that this is hard but you have to let us help. Especially Spike. Can you imagine how he feels?"

Buffy sat up. "Oh my God, I'm such a heartless girlfriend. Here I am crying on your lap and he has no one to talk to." This made Buffy start crying again.

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant… Oh God… I mean… Just talk to him. That's what I meant. Just talk to him and tell him everything. He isn't expecting you to keep it together. No one is. Just know that we're here. All of us. Well, not _here_ here but… I keep ruining this moment don't I?"

"Thanks Willow." Buffy gave Willow a big hug, but not too hard for the not too far off possibility of snapping her vertebrae.


	7. I'm Sorry

Chapter Seven

"Spike?" Buffy said as she shyly entered his crypt. She looked around the cold, stone area that was barely lit. Only one of the candles was lit which meant he wasn't home and didn't want to trip over anything when he got back. Buffy took the lit candle and ignited the wicks of the candle by his bed and the one near the tomb. She replaced it to its stand and walked over to his bed.

She looked down at the pillows and ran her hand over the blanket. She started thinking about how they used to be: They could barely keep their hands off each other. They shared promiscuous smiles with each other when the gang was gathered to talk about the new big bad. And the kissing, my God the kissing. That rush her whole body felt and how she was never close enough to him when they embraced. She would pull him tighter as if their bodies could mold to each other.

Tears began to fall again. Her torso fell against the bed and she curled up as she cried.

How could this change their lives so much? How are they so different now? Was this supposed to happen because they aren't supposed to be together?

_No. There's no way that my feelings for him are considered wrong in any way. How can someone who makes you so happy be someone who isn't meant for you? _

Buffy slowly started to compose herself. Just in time too. The door to the crypt opened, revealing the bleach blonde owner. Buffy sat up and wiped her eyes before he saw her. "Buffy?"

"Hi Spike."

"What're ya doin' here?"

She stood. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Kinda got the opposite of that earlier."

"Yeah. It's about that."

Spike put his coat on his chair and kept his eyes on Buffy as he walked towards her. Instead of going to the bed he went over to the tomb and leaned against its side. Buffy pursed her lips and nodded.

"I'm sorry," Buffy started. Spike's face remained blank. Buffy looked at the ground and continued. "It's not exactly a secret that I haven't been handling this well."

"Or not at all," Spike added.

She looked up at him. "That's not true."

"Buffy you've been actin' like nothin's happened."

"For you."

"What?"

"I've been 'acting like nothing's happened'… for you."

"You're saying it's my fault?"

"No. I'm saying…" She exhaled in exhaustion. "I was trying not to fall apart so you wouldn't feel bad even though it's all I've wanted to do since..."

"That makes no sense."

"I thought that if you saw me cry then you'd start to too and I didn't want you to be in pain."

Spike pushed himself up and walked over to her. "Buffy, I've been in pain since I heard. You not crying hasn't effected that."

"I just don't want you to be mad. I mean, this is all my fault. If I would have just stayed home then this wouldn't have happened."

"No. No no no no." Spike wrapped his arms around her and let her tears soak his black shirt. "This is not your fault."

"Yes it is."

"No Buffy. This isn't anyone's fault. 'Cept the vamp that did this to ya. He's the only one to blame."

Buffy pushed Spike away and stepped back. "I could've stayed home."

"And I could've kept lookin' for ya. Either way, we're only gonna make ourselves go bloody insane by thinkin' about it too much."

"And what about our distance?"

"I'm right here."

"No, not the physical distance."

"Buffy-"

"It's my fault we're so distant. I kept pushing you back so you wouldn't get so close that you'd see how broken I was. I pushed you away and I feel like I'm not even me any more. We used to be each other's other half and now I just feel… empty. I don't even have _my_ half. It's gone."

"Me too." Buffy's eyes were glazing at the sight of a tear going down Spike's cheek. "Ever since I heard… I've been trying not to cry 'round you too. Felt like if I weren't strong enough then you'd feel like we couldn't get through this. Not that I expected you to take it to the extreme it was in. I thought I was the one making you… empty."

Buffy walked over to him moved her head so his eyes looked at her instead of the ground. She raised her head, bringing his up with hers. She placed her hands on his face and pulled him in for a kiss. Spike instinctively wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Buffy's hold went around his neck with one hand resting on the back of his head. Spike turned and carefully dropped Buffy down on the bed as he kissed her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Spike traced Buffy's face with his gaze as she slept. He kissed her gently on the forehead and rolled out of bed. He found his clothes and slid them back on. He quietly opened his door and went outside. He took a quick look around and proceeded to walk through the graveyard.

After a few minutes he came across a giant cross, carved from stone. It was inside a stone fence that stood only three feet from the ground. It was a grave that he had seen a bunch of times before but he never actually went up close to it, with reason. H walked within the walls and saw that written on a slab in front of the cross was an excerpt from the bible and the name of the man sitting below the grassy surface. He was a soldier.

Spike looked up at the cross. "I know we don't exactly graze in the same pasture, if ya know what I mean, so if I'm doin' this wrong then, sorry. I don't even know if you're listenin right now but for the sake of my sanity, I'll pretend ya are." He hesitated a moment. "I don't know if you do this kind of thing but I figured I might as well try. Buffy, who ya know, she stays up all hours slayin' demons and savin' lives. Recently we lost our baby. I don't know if you did that or… God, I don't even know. Sorry, am I allowed to say that?" He waited as if an answer would come. "Well, anyway, she hasn't been right since. Understandable, but… if you could help her, in any way, could you do that? Please?" Again, he waited for an answer. "Thanks…. Uh, bye." He turned and walked away.


	8. Happy Again

Chapter Eight

Spike went to open his door but jolted back as it opened for him. On the other side Buffy was dressed and ready to leave. "Spike." She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't know where you were. I was coming to find you."

"Sorry pet. Just went for a walk s'all." He placed his hand on her head and ran it down her hair. "Didn't mean to scare ya."

"I know," she said, resting her cheek against his chest. "I was just worried."

"Don't ya remember? I'm already dead."

"Not funny," she said blandly, but with a smile. He kissed her forehead, making her turn her attention to his eyes.

"Want me to walk you home?"

"Do you want me to go home?"

"No, I just… I didn't know if that was another reason you were leaving. When ya do that thing where ya go home after we shag."

"Well I was planning the staying-here-after-we-shag thing," she said with a smile.

"Then let's get inside."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Joyce was in the kitchen drinking coffee when the doorbell rang. She was excited and hoped it was Buffy even though she doesn't ring the bell. She opened the door and revealed a familiar red haired girl. "Willow. Nice to see you."

"Hi Mrs. Summers. Is Buffy around? I wanted to talk to her."

"Sorry Willow but she isn't. I'm not sure where she is but I keep telling myself she's with Spike to keep myself from calling the police."

Willow felt a little awkward but she instinctively went in to give her a hug. "I'm sure she's fine. She always is."

"I don't know what to think any more." She released her and looked her in the eyes. "I haven't been able to talk to her since she lost the baby. And I've tried. Over and over. She just… shuts me out." She walked into the kitchen and took a seat on a stool. Willow followed her and stood to her right.

"It's not just you."

"That's what Spike said last night but I'm still not comforted. I mean, I'm her mother, she isn't supposed to tell me everything. But you, her friends and her boyfriend, she should tell everything to. If she's not talking to you…"

"She did though." Joyce's eyes widened with hope. "We talked last night. She said she's been trying to stay strong because she's the Slayer and it's expected of her. She's just been conflicted with all this stuff that's happened and for whatever reason she thought she needed to be our support system instead of letting us be hers."

"But that- well obviously she realized that doesn't make any sense." Jocye thought for a moment about the new development she heard. "Has she talked to Spike?" she asked optimistically.

"She was going to. She said she was last night. That's where she probably is. They just talked and…" Willow thought of sex but of course she wasn't going to say that, "talked some more. I'm guessing. I mean she likes to talk and talking it out would be a good thing even if it kept them up all night, talking is what they would have done since she hadn't talked to Spike in so long because of the baby and I'm sure they had a lot to-"

"Thanks Willow," Joyce said cutting her off from her awkward run-on sentence.

Willow took a breath. She looked at Joyce who was smiling but still had a hint of sadness. "She'll come to you when she's ready."

Joyce nodded. "I know. I just wish she understood that I'm here."

"She does. It's just… awkward."

"That's why I'm not expecting her to come crying to me any time soon."

The front door opened and Joyce leapt up and rushed to the door. Buffy had just shut it and saw her mother staring at her like she'd been gone for months. "Buffy." She wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter. Buffy hugged her back and tears started to fall.

"It's too early for tears." She said, wiping them on her mother's shirt. They just hugged each other in silence. Willow slipped out the front door to give them time to themselves.

"I was worried."

"Sorry."

Joyce let her go and revealed that she too was crying. She smiled at the tears she'd been hoping to see run down Buffy's cheeks since the last hospital visit. She gently wiped one off with the back of her pointer finger.

"Mom, I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately."

"It's all right. It's been hard."

"That doesn't mean that I had to be too. I'm sorry I shut you out and made you worry about me."

"I'm just glad you're back. Physically and emotionally."

"I just felt so cut off. Like no one understood me. Not even Spike. I mean he lost a child too but, he didn't carry it and I felt like that made it different. I felt like I had to punish myself. I lost the baby and, being the Slayer, I should have done better. So I made this hard exterior to compensate for how I felt inside."

Joyce hugged her again, this time kissing her on the head as well. "Buffy you should never feel isolated or alone. Even with Xander and Willow and Rupert and Spike, you also have me. I will always be here." They jerked their heads to the kitchen when they heard a sniffle. Xander had come in through the back door and had been listening for a while.

"Sorry, it's just… it's so sweet." He broke down and walked out of view. They couldn't help but let out a little chuckle. They walked into the kitchen and Buffy gave Xander a hug. "Everyone's so emotional," he cried.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

A month went by and everyone slowly recovered. Buffy even found a way to be closer to everyone than she had before. If anything this situation made her stronger, not that that meant she couldn't cry and break down every once and awhile.

"You gotta admit that art would be more appealing if we drew nude portraits."

"Xander, you don't even take art," Willow stated.

"I would if we drew models. Even forget the nude, if you got Heidi Klum into Sunnydale High for a few classes to be drawn, I would be _paying_ to take that class."

"Your whole seven dollars?" Buffy said.

"I got a nice hundred in my savings." Willow and Buffy smiled at the loveliness that was Xander. Buffy's smile grew even brighter when she saw her adorable boyfriend walking towards her. She ran towards him and jumped into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his torso and he held her up with his right arm as his left arm pulled her in for a kiss. "What's he doing here? It's daytime."

"Only less sunny," Willow said, pointing to the obvious cloud coverage. "Looks like it's gonna rain soon."

"So he gets to walk around because there's a chance of showers? That's a complete disregard for the vampire code."

"They have a code now?"

"No direct sunlight doesn't mean he gets to come out and play."

Buffy and Spike parted and their smiles remained. "I was hoping I'd see you."

"Like I'd let you walk home alone."

Buffy loosened her legs, signaling for him to let her down. Spike slowly released her so she touched the pavement gently. Buffy slid her hands down his arms and rested them in his firm grasp. "Can we do that thing I like to do?"

"At _your_ place?"

"Yeah," she said, keeping her constant smile.

"Sure," he said, smiling back. He lifted up their right hands and kissed her fist before heading towards her house.

"Lord only knows what they're going to do… I mean, I have a pretty good idea what they're gonna do but, I don't know for sure. But my good idea has an 87 chance of being right."

"He could just be walking her home."

"Yeah Willow, he came her just to walk her home and leave with just a peck on the cheek."

"Jealous?"

"Annoyed."

Willow rolled her eyes.

Back at the Summers' household Spike was laying on the couch waiting for Buffy. "You ready?" she called.

"Ready."

She came around the corner with a bowl of popcorn and popped a few pieces into her mouth. "Start it up." Spike pressed 'PLAY' on the remote and adjusted himself for Buffy to lay with him. She put the popcorn on the table and laid directly on top of him, her head turned to watch the tv. Spike successfully draped a light blanket over their bodies and pulled himself up just a little. Buffy gave him a quick kiss before settling into her spot. Spike wrapped his arms around her shoulder blades and brushed her hair with his fingers.

**Author's Note:** That's it. It's over. Sorry to the people who wanted them to get pregnant again, which was a lot of you, but I just wanted them to end as happily as they began, if not happier. I know it got very emotional but we all made it through. Congratulations. Thanks for all your reviews and I hope to catch you at another story.


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